|Where Does it Say Taking Abuse is a Spousal Duty?
DEAR TOOLMAN: IF A HUSBAND HAS COMMITTED ADULTERY, SLAPPED, PUSHED,THREATENED WITH WEAPONS AND BEEN VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO HIS WIFE DURING THE MARRIAGE, SHOULD THE WIFE WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN? A DEEP SADNESS HAS TAKEN OVER. THESE THINGS DO NOT HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. MOST ARE SPORADIC. THE YELLING HAS BEEN AT LEAST WEEKLY.
TOOLMAN: As a wife or friend, you are absolutely NOT obligated, whatsoever, in any way, shape or form, to receive or have yourself subjected to, any of what you described above, including weekly, annually or even once-a-decade yelling. Period! End of short answer.
His treatment of you in this way shows a complete lack of awareness of who he is, who you are and what the opportunity of marriage is. Until he awakens (you are not required to be his learning facility), he will probably attempt to mistreat you in some way.
Your allowing this treatment of yourself tells me also, that you did not have a minimal respect, and caring, for yourself.
I support you to stand up and take charge of yourself. I support you to protect yourself mentally, emotionally and physically including but not limited to calling local authorities, having a place to go to when needed (permanently perhaps) and seeking out a local counselor to assist your inner healing with all this.
FIRST STEP: Brainstorm and make a list of what you need to do to take care of yourself with all this. Reflect for a moment on 'taking care of yourself'. . . You have to become your own best friend! To bring back trusting yourself. Feeling safe within yourself. Doing those things that bring you to your beauty and grace--the Soul you are. You deserve love and loving people around you all the time. Right? Can you see this? You deserve, kindness shown to you, not occasionally or inbetween 'fights', but all the time.You deserve people who never cross the line of respect --people who truly appreciate and honor you as the person you are.
I am happy to be a support for you in any way I can. I suggest that you assemble a loving support for yourself locally with loving friends and available professionals. Write me with any questions about any of this. You can get through this. You can do this. Repeat after me: "I can do this". You can take care yourself better and be smarter than ever before. There is a whole new way of living awaiting you.
Read also: Understanding Forgiveness
DO YOU HAVE any ideas or suggestions for a spouse that is experiencing abuse? Or perhaps you have abused your partner and have learned some things that want to pass on. Email us,Thank you.
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